As you can see in the above graphic, it shows different kinds of praise: Descriptive, Appreciative, and Evaluative.
Take a moment to read those types of praise. Which kind of praise do you use most often?
If we are to be honest with ourselves, most would answer Evaluative Praise... it is the easiest kind of praise to give, and is the most common. Teachers, parents, and coaches all uses this kind of praise often. How do you feel about this kind of praise?
Should we say, "Good job!" to our children.
Experts share that it is more productive to tell people the "why" behind the praise, in a more specific and sincere way.
As humans we have an innate need for connection. This need is apparent in young babies and through out the rest of our lives.
Researchers have studied the effects of human interactions for many years and found that when babies are not interacted with their struggle is almost immediate. In the below video it will demonstrate how a mother and baby interact. The mother starts by chatting with the baby, the baby responds with smiles, giggles and excited movements. Later the mother changes her way of interaction, and has a "Still Face", this change in facial expression and energy coming from the mom, immediately influences the baby, but not positively. The baby is confused, her facial expression changes, and starts to screech in hopes for a reaction. This Still Face experiment is a simple, yet insightful example of the effects of feedback.
As parents and educators, it is critical that we interact and engage with children in a warm and loving manner. Children feed off energy and mimic our behaviors. We are children example, so we need to model attentive care.
Questions to Ponder after viewing this video:
What are your thoughts about the significance of the level of responsiveness from the parent to the child?
How does modeling a synchronous relationship contribute to a positive sense of self and competency in communication with the child?
How can a parent be "still face" with their adolescent?
I believe that the significance of the level of responsiveness from parent to the child is so important! If a parent is responsive it will help the child to learn many valuable skills like communication, humor, emotions, eye contact, trust, safety and so much more. If parents are not responsive, it creates insecure and detached children who struggle with their emotions.
If parents model synchronous relationships it will contribute to a positive sense of self and competency in communication with their child because children need to connect to learn about relationships. If there is an insecure detached relationship is likely to suffer and the child will not learn how to view themselves positively, because the feedback they have received is contrary.
A parent can absolutely be "still face" with their adolescent. Anyone can show emotionless behaviors towards anyone. Unfortunately this is becoming increasingly popular because parents are distracted, and become numb when they look at screens. This is bad in so many ways, and that is for another blog post. To keep it simple, parents model addictive behaviors towards technology, which children pick up on, and view as normal, which creates a cycle of dependency to technology therefore leading to decreased contentedness between individuals.
When people lack connection, their souls and minds become damaged. This cycle of lack of connection is what leads to behavioral issues and peoples ability to interact with others in a healthy manner.
So what can we do about this need for connection?
We need to recognize the issue of our disconnected society, make a change, and keep it going. We need to make more meaningful connections, put our phone down and talk to people in line at the grocery store. We need to place value in relationships and nurture them. We need to learn to communicate effectively. When we do these things, we will live much more fulfilled lives.
Why do we need to take Personal and Relationship Inventory?
It is so important we make an honest evaluation of where we are at emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We must care for ourselves before we can adequately take care of others.
Allowing ourselves to take time to reflect, is such a valuable thing to learn and put into practice.
As women, we tend to believe that we can do it ALL, we can be wives, mothers, sisters, friends, workers, homemakers, chefs, scoffers, teachers, students, coaches, and so much more! Although we "can" do all of these things does not mean we should feel the pressure to do ALL of these things simultaneously and PERFECTLY. We need to allow for time of rest, reflection and meditation.
Elder Uchtdorf’s talk entitled "Happiness, Your Heritage." Is such a wonderful talk! A particular quote that stood out to me was, "To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.” This is a great reminder to me when I become overly critical of myself and expect perfection. I am by nature a perfectionist, and am quite critical and hard on myself. I constantly have to remind myself of all of the things I am doing well, to put things into perspective.
This talk is a great reminder that it is our destiny to have happiness in this life! "Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness."
I took a test to assess my Personal & Relationship Inventory.
I would recommend this assessment because it helps facilitate an honest evaluation of where you ARE.
My thoughts of this test:
When I completed my Personal & Relationship
Inventory was insightful because I was able to assess how well I am taking care
of myself and my relationships. I think that overall I am doing well. There
were multiple things I categorized in the “Always/Excellent” category or the
“Often/Good” category. Some of the areas I ranked as a “5” was: My relationship
with my husband, helping others, and I regularly communicate with my husband.
Those things are particularly important to me because my relationship with my
husband is so important, I want to always make our relationship a priority and
communicate effectively and often with him. I am someone who often helps others
because I value serving. I just got called to the Relief Society Presidency, so
I now have even more opportunities to serve others.
While doing this
assessment, I have some areas of weakness, that I am working on improving. For
example: I want to improve my relaxing routine before bed and nurturing morning
routine. I always shower morning and evening; I light a candle and turn the
lights off because that is relaxing for me. I want my mornings to run more
smoothly by waking up earlier to allow myself more time to relax, be
productive, and eat breakfast before rushing off to work. I should be better at
limiting my internet surfing and use of browsing social media sites. I notice
that I use scrolling as a time filler, I am consciously working on being more
mindful of the time I spend doing this. Another thing I should improve upon is
how I manage personal stress. I work well under pressure, but sometimes in
stressful situations I have breakdowns. These times when I am stressed, usually
happen when I am not sleeping enough and am over scheduled. I have been working
on prioritizing what I do with my time, so that I can have less stress.
When we are more balanced, we are able to let our light shine!
